You may already know that I was asked to possibly compete in the game show called Skin Wars. If you have never heard of it, Skin Wars is a show similar to American Idol but instead of competing with other singers to win the grand prize, you are competing with other body painters.
At first, even though I was totally suprised and honored that they approached me, I was not sure if I should move forward as I wondered if going on a game show would be God's will for my life.
You see, ten years ago when I was at an all time low, caught in a merry go round of addicition and realizing, as smart as I am, that I could not get myself out of it, a person came into my life and told me about the saving grace of Jesus. He explained a bit about why Jesus came to earth and what his mission was. Having gone to Catholic church as a child, I knew about Jesus already but wanted nothing to do with him. Things changed on this day though and prompted by this new friend I decided to accept him as my savior.
After that day, my life started to drastically change. Although I was still living in the same place and in the same body the world around me was just different. Colors were brighter, the sounds were sharper and I had a peace on the inside I had never felt before. I also had this new internal compass, something that is hard to put into words. I now know what this internal compass is. The day I accepted Jesus as my Savior and decided to trust that God was in charge of my life, a beautiful spirit, a friend, came inside my body and took over. My life has been no short of a miracle since that day as I continue to try to turn my life over to God everyday.
So, when the Skin Wars casting people called and asked if I was interested in competing my first question was, "Is this God's will for my life?"
Not 100% sure if it was his will or not and wanting to be open to the possibility that it may be I decided to move forward. I sent in the video they requested and some images of some of my work. Then I waited and waited and waited.
Four months (ish) into waiting I figured I was not picked so I let it go in my mind and moved on. No biggie. Well, then June hit and they called me again asking if I was still interested. "Hmmmmm. God is this you again or not?"
Again, not 100% sure it was God's will, I decided to be open and sent in the updated video and images they requested. Then I waited and waited and waited.
I kept hearing things about reality shows that I did not like. Therefore, I was growing more and more apprehensive about going.
So where do I stand today?
Well, my journey to discern whether or not I should go on the show has taken months and in the end, I have decided to NOT go on the show. In fact, I emailed the executive producer last week to let them know that I was very honored and flattered to have been considered but, for personal reasons, I was going to pull out of the running.
I received a nice message back. They let me know that they were dissappointed to hear this news but to try again another season if things changed.
Now you may be wondering what prompted me to pull out?
I'll tell you:
It's simple. I have spent ten years following God's will, to the best of my ability, everyday and out of that He has shown me how much he loves me and just how much he cares for me.
He has shown me how to take care and love myself through my diet and exercise, how I let people treat me and how to get enough rest each day. I have also come to see the utter importance of spending time with him, my family and friends each day.
So, when I found out that you cannot talk to any of your family members or friends the whole time you are taping I was like no way. I love my family and friends too much to go weeks without talking to them. Could I do it? Sure, I probably could but why? For money? For fame? These people are way too important to me to go weeks without hearing thier voices and knowing what is going on in thier hearts. Furthermore, I would have to keep big secrets from them about the show until it aired. I can keep things to myself when it is appropriate to do so but to NOT tell anyone I love dearly about what happened would be SO HARD for me. I share everything about me with those I love. They know me through and through.
I also found out that the amount of sleep you get is erratic and umpredictable. This made it even easier to come to a decision knowing how affected I am by sleep. If I don't get 8 full hours of unitterupted sleep a night I am no good. So, again, could I do it? Sure, I can do anything I set my mind to but do I want to go weeks without sleep and potentially getting a bunch of migraines as a result of it? For what? For money? For fame? My health is too important to me. My peace of mind is too important to me.
There are a few other factors but instead of listing all of them I will just end on this one. I am so glad I pulled out because I would have had to leave to film during the busiest time of the year for face and body painters....Halloween!
My business has recently turned a corner and all the blood, sweat and tears I have put into growing it is finally paying off. I am now getting busier and busier and the last thing I need to do is leave for weeks, turning away clients to go on a game show where I have a slim chance of winning.
There is nothing wrong with Skin Wars. I love watching the show and I am happy for anyone that chooses to go on.
I am just sharing that this is not the path FOR ME.
These past ten years in walking with God has shown me who I am. I have gotten to know myself and I have gotten to a place where I can trust myself.
I fully trust that I made the right decision for me and right after I emailed them to let them know that I was pulling out guess what happened?
I booked five parties!
I used to want fame. Fame is not bad. I am not putting it down and maybe God will have me be "famous" someday but I do not want "fame" unless I am truly and 100% ready to steward it well and that it would only be to make God the almighty famous.
God is the one that has gotten me to where I am today. I want him more than anything else. In the end there is nothing else.
So, thanks to all of you that encouraged me, supported me and that love me and my work. I appreciate you more than you know.
Who knows? Maybe I will end up on TV one day. I have no clue what awaits me. All I do know is that I am not willing to put myself in a situation that is not loving. I spent too many years NOT loving myself. I have come to far and cannot tell you how grateful I am for the miracle of choosing this for myself and trusting that God has an incredible path for me even if it does not involve Skin Wars.
I cannot wait to see what happens next.
Till my next blog....I love you and take care!
Motivated by the radical love of Jesus, I create beautiful works of art and passionately share my testimony to free people all across the earth to also fully and completely live the life they were uniquely created for.
I blog about things that I experiene and hope will motivate, guide and inspire you toward greater creativity, fulfillment, peace, and joy in your everyday life.